I AM Willing to Forgive

A bad word whispered will echo a hundred miles...

     I had a very difficult time writing this blog. I also had the most inconvenient feeling putting a title. I hope that I chose a good one, a Chinese Proverb. 

For more than six years of knowing that our dearest youngest son JC was very ill and needed a liver transplant operation in order to live, we were truly devastated. And also learning the fact that we needed to raise about 3 to 4 million pesos in order for him to undergo liver transplant operation broke our hearts into pieces. But we had to find ways and means to save JC from dying though we've given up the battle at first. But thanks to our dear Lord, He has led the way. JC has been transplanted now and doing very very great. We've raised more than 3 million pesos through the guidance of our Great God and through His provision of using different people. We raised funds in the Philippines and even in Taiwan. Some part of the fund was used during JC and his donor (his Uncle Jasper) pre-laboratory work-up in the Philippines, JC's several confinement, at Philippine hospitals , completion of needed documents and most of the part was intended for hospital payment at Chang Gung Memorial Hospital for the liver transplant operation. 

During the time of our fund raising campaign, we met a mountain of difficulties, trials and hardships. Rejections, denials, laughter, indifference and a lot more. 

We were affected by all of those comments and messages but we still continued to fight for JC's life." Kinapalan namin ang mukha namin, bakit hindi buhay ng anak namin ang nakataya". We will do everything or anything to save Jan Ciryl. Everything that is good and not against the law of mankind and the law of God. Racing against time is the most difficult battle. We received all those things unmindful of the hurt and the pain because we're the ones begging for help and assistance. BEGGARS CAN NOT BE CHOOSERS. And 

if I may add...BEGGARS SHOULD NEVER DEMAND ANYTHING OR COMPLAIN FOR ANY HELP THEY RECEIVED. We have to respect everyone of course. Not everybody can help a person in need.In that sense, of course we continued in fighting the battle, looking for compassionate and charitable people. We were given a chance to meet good and great people. We were able to realize that there are still kindhearted individuals and organizations that will help anyone who is in need. "Salamat sa Panginoon sa walang sawang pagbibigay sa amin ng mababait at matutulunging tao". There are still many in number. As a matter of fact I lost count already at this point. But still a few don't show concern as well. Sometimes they would mock you, they won't believe you and most of them would throw ill words against you. Of course, life is hard. People sometime have reasons why they can't help the needy. They may have a lot of reasons so hard that they do not have to explain. And we deeply understand the situation.We just have to try and try and try... 

But Ronnie and I had this different kind of experience last Monday. As most of you know, we arrived here in Kaohsiung Taiwan with more than 2 million pesos only as transplant fund in which this is inclusive of dormitory rental budget and cost of our living allowance here. We know that the fund would not be that enough to cover the whole medical fee and everything. But due to some circumstances, unavoidable ones...we really had to bring JC here for the transplant operation hoping against hope that God will shower miracles and the fund would be enough. Unfortunately, 

the transplant fund then was not enough because JC had a complicated case/operation. Of course, we needed to do something about it, as one Filipino here had been bugging us to call and write letters of request for assistance to anyone that we know. And thus, we did. And even he did not tell it to us, my husband and I were really looking for solutions on our situation. "Nakakahiya naman siyempre sa ospital, hanggat magagawan namin ng paraan gagawin namin, kahit mamalimos sa daan".We wrote tons of letters and used our NT Dollars to send them through DHL and take note, we spent much. We never stopped sending emails to friends, relatives, colleagues even to strangers as well. for we really acknowledge our hospital debt. Unfortunately few responded because most of them have helped us in the past. Then came this Filipino telling us again to do something about it. Of course, we have to find means because we owe the hospital around 600 thousand NT$ then. We totally acknowledge our responsibility as patient...we never denied our incapacity to pay though we're trying our best to solve the problem on the hospital bill because it's our responsibility.We have squeezed all efforts and we were running out of money when we thought of calling someone for help here in Kaohsiung, the name was given to us by a former patient and we prayed that he would help us here. I called Brother Deo Laranang and he said to post my call for help at the KaohsiungLiving. The rest was history...people came for help in different ways. We raised more than a hundred thousand NT but still not enough. Thanks again Brother Deo. And because God is truly merciful and kind. A letter that was sent to a Philippine organization in February was approved. We were given additional assistance. We were truly excited because Jan was given an order of discharge already and we can now go back home. Then suddenly an experience worth remembering came. We were visited by the same Filipino I was telling you about...fuming really really mad. Saying things that are very unacceptable. He said that Filipinos should not raise funds here in Taiwan. He is ashamed of us doing the fund raising here though in any way he has not helped us. He was frequently mentioning about kahihiyan and everything. We were shocked but we dealt with him politely. I may have heard a lot of distasteful words that came from his mouth and some lies that he uttered about us that may be unacceptable and I kept explaining but his mind was not open for explanation. Ronnie and I both cried during the conversation and explained to him the truth but then again, he was basically blinded by his belief. During the conversation, he said this phrase, 

" BAKA SARCASTIC NAMAN ANG SINASABI MONG BEGGING KASI IBA YON, MINSAN ANG BEGGING PARANG UMAARTE KA LANG." I can't really comprehend everything that he was saying then. A lot of words came out mentioning other people's name and what they did in the past and he was stressing we did the same. I almost lost my control. And before he left...he uttered this words, "Tama na, nagawa ninyo na mag-raise ng funds, ayoko ng makarinig pa ng comment mula sa inyo. Ayoko na makarinig ng comment pagkatapos nito."

I was upset, stressed, and tensed the whole night which made me awake until the next morning of Tuesday. But because I needed an outlet to state what I felt and I had to release my tension... 

I posted this status on facebook.

Ako ay labis na nagtataka kung dapat bang ikahiya ang paghingi ng tulong sa ibang tao kung kinakailangan, at labis na nababahala kung krimen ang paghingi ng tulong sa hindi mo kapwa Pinoy, at kung dapat ka bang ikahiya ng kalahi mo kung ikaw ay humingi ng tulong sa ibang bansa...HINDI KO NA SANA ITO DAPAT SABIHIN ULIT AT KAHIT ULITIN PA, GAGAWIN KO PA RING MAMALIMOS PARA SA ANAK KO KAHIT SAAN MANG LUGAR KUNG KINAKAILANGAN. Sana maramdaman mo ang nararamdaman ng ina na may malubhang sakit ang anak at nais na sagipin ang buhay niya...kung may iba lang na paraan bakit hindi...kaysa naman gumawa kami ng masama...dumudugo ang puso ko hanggang ngayon...hindi madaling hanapin ang halos 3 milyong piso sa mga taong hindi mayaman katulad namin...kung krimen ang iligtas mo ang buhay ng anak mo sa panghihingi ng tulong sa kapwa mo...GUILTY AKO!

And I thank all those friends who sent me inspiring messages afterwards:

shhhhh, eloisa some people don't understand, but a LOT of people DO. Don't think/mind about the SOME that don't understand but THANK those that who DO. Ingat palagi. Jan is your priority OK, there will come a time that they will come to understand, if not then it is their LOSS not yours. God bless! Mira Guevarra Huang

d msmang humingi ng 2l0ng lal0ng la0 n s kkbyan zn02 pba ang mag 22lungan kundi tau2 lng @ s isang ina wlang hindi ggwin madugtungan lang ang buhay ng kanyang anak kung pwede lng n ibigay ntin ang buhay ntin gnwa n ntin girl kya myan dm0man aq pers0naly n kilala ipag pra pray q ang pag gling ng iy0ng anak tc... Madeline de Borja

totoo d po masmang humingi ng2long s ibang tao.you are just sharing your burden and it's up to them if they are willing to help or not. Lilibeth Wabe

Hi, I know how you feel. Bayaan mo na lang, ganun talaga meron at meron silang masasabi sayo. You cannot please everybody.

Johanna Tejada Medalla

Keep it up Eloisa...you will never reach the stage you are right now if you didn't call or asked for help di ba? ika nga try and try until you try and try again lol Juan Delfin A. Garcia

eloisa, i would do the same for my kids if i have to...so, don't worry about it...sino ba nang aaway sa yo? awayin natin...ngek! jole lang..:) Ederlyne De Dios

ikaw ba nirespect niya? o siguro the better question is tinulungan ba niya yung anak mo? if not, tell him to just zip it...and don't let him affect you like that.. .. Ederlyne De Dios

Tama si Ai. Nobody has a right to question what you do for your children. They are an extension of you & as a parent, would move mountains for them to be safe & well. Hanga ako sa dedication at strenght mo for jc. Edelyn Pineda Carlos

eloisa, gaya ng nasabi ko dati...marami tayong sakit na mararanasan, maraming maghuhusga pero huwag tayong matakot dahil Diyos ang nakakaalam kung ano ang ating tunay na hangarin...ipagdasal mo nalang kung sino man siya!!! ay naku mas marami pang ganyan sa akin nuon!!! especially yung friends and relatives!!! Lyden Caraga Mendoza

You did what you have to do.... and more. You're a hero to your son's eyes and to mine too. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Jette Albano -Naval

Hindi mo dpat ikahiya yan Eloisa. Sa totoo lang, I admire you for your courage dahil ginawa mo ang lahat para sa anak mo. As mothers we are responsible for the welfare of our children. Kung kinakailangang magpakumbaba at humingi ng tulong sa iba para lang mabuhay ang anak ko eh gagawin ko din kung yun na lang ang paraan para mabuhay siya. Kaya kung... ano man ang nag-trigger for you to write this status message, wag mo ito/silang pansinin. All that matters is you have your son with you, alive and well. That is something to thank God for. I pray for the continuous healing of Jan Ciryl. God bless you and your family.

Ivy Anne Ranola-Cortez

ate ghie tma lang yan ginawa mo dahil kahit cno nasa kalagayan mo ginawa rin yun.bakit mo cla iintindihin di namn cla ang nasa kalagayan mo...and i know your son will be very proud....thats all that matter di ba .......ang anak mo ...the hell with them....smile ka lang basta ikaw makakatulog na sa gabi ng mahimbing kac ok na c bunso di ba Angelica Ando

whats the prob ghie? how may i help? i would like to guess that some-- out there must have hurt your feelings. just dont mind them. nakaraos kana sa pinakamalaking pagsubok ng buhay mo ng wala sila. maybe... those are just words of people who just refuse to help dahil gusto lang nila ipasa sa iba ang burden at akala nila they are already spared of guilt. remember: the harder the battle the sweeter the victory. Elaine S. Benicarlo

god is the best friend youll ever have en he will walk wth u evry step of the way..i may not be there 4 u but he is awys take care of you en ur loving fmily..ingat lgi tol

thts y hes the only one who can help to anyone 2nd nlng tyo t ang mga taong kinatukan ang puso to help jc n mksurvive

korek cla dun hndi reason n dhil hndi ntin cla klahi db there are human n gnwa or knasngkapan ng pnginoon pra mlutas lhat ng kng anu man ang pngddaanan ntin mga tao Arthur Buenaventura

Bismillah Christopher Maning

relax...... musta na jc Lilibeth Gozo

Gie I prayed for you last nite na sana God will continue to give strenght..mahirap tlaga pero kahit ako gagawin ko lahat para sa anak ko..knya nga bilib ako syo kasi kung pano mp hinaharap ito pero dito pinakita ng Panginoon na nandito sya especially sa lowest ng buhay m..God is watching you alam nya tama ang ginagawa m..kakanta ako sa church this sunday dedicated yun syo..the one I posted on mothers day..Jesus loves you..and I will continue to pray for u nasa bigyan kapa ng lakas ng loob at gud health for ur family..yan ang purpose natin dito sa mundo hindi para sa sarili kundi sa iba.. Sana one day we can sit down and talk about our lives..and yung mga testimonies natin..takecare. Di ka pala makakaattend ng reunion? Rowena Santos

mommy eloisa wala nkakahiya mamalimos . bilang ina lahat gagawin mo kung kailangan magpaka baba gagawin mo mabuhay lang ang pinaka mamahal mo. minsan ko rin ginawa yan nang time na buhay pa si dandan pero god knows everything siya lang ang nkakaalam kung hanggang saan lang ang buhay niya lahat ng bagay ay hiram lang ntin . at sa mga tao di nkakaintindi sa atin sana kung ayaw nila 2mulong wag nalang sana sila magsalita pa. bsta eloisa tke care and god bless Daisy Adriano 

WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR THE WORDS OF CONCERN, INSPIRATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT.

WE ALREADY HAVE FORGIVEN HIM, THOUGH FORGETTING MAY TAKE A LITTLE WHILE.

LORD PLEASE TAKE AWAY THE HATRED AND THE PAIN!

LORD PLEASE HELP US FORGET!

LORD WE REALLY ADMIT THAT WE ARE DEEPLY HURT BUT AS CHILDREN OF A GREAT GOD WHO HAS HELPED US THE WHOLE TIME OF OUR STRUGGLE, WE FEEL VERY SORRY FOR NOT FORGIVING THE PERSON WHO OFFENDED US IMMEDIATELY. THE JOY, THE PAIN AND THE VICTORY OF THIS BATTLE ARE TO BE LIFTED UP AND OFFERED UNTO YOU. THE ONLY THING THAT WE SHOULD DO NOW IS TO REMEMBER YOUR GREATNESS AND ALL THE PEOPLE YOU USED INTO HELPING US AND PRAY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE GIVEN US SORROW AND PAIN

ALONG THE WAY.

He may have whispered bad words, and echoed a hundred miles...

but we are praying that he may realize everything...

and we must understand him!